Attachment Style and Relationships 10/06/2011
You may have heard about attachment theory and attachment styles. You may not have. However, they are something we talk a lot about in psychology today as attachment theory has become very integrated in our understanding of relationships and family dynamics. Understanding attachment helps us understand what motivates humans, helps them feel safe, and allows them to grow and succeed.
Literature and research describe several types of styles in relationships. These styles or categories were initially inferred from observational research on children. Later adults were interviewed as well to find out that people develop or have certain attachment or relationship mindsets they bring into relationships. These attachment mindsets have certain thoughts, behaviors, and feelings connected to them and they affect the way one relates in very close intimate relationships. The way we talk about these styles may make them seem rigid and unalterable. But personally, I like to think of these categories as somewhat flexibly. What I mean by this is one can change his or her style depending upon different internal and external variables and experiences in relationships. Add Comment Dr. Susan Johnson being interviewed about Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples in The Psychotherapy Networker. What other therapist say about Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and why they are committed to it, "EFT is the couples therapy with the most empirical evidence that it works -- twice as effective as skills-based approaches, with positive outcomes that have been shown to be far more long lasting. Process-wise, EFT is based on the observation (not original to EFT) that couples mostly have the same argument(s) over and over. They think that they are arguing about (or, sometimes, ducking arguments about) whose parents to see for Thanksgiving or who forgot to pick the kids up from school, but actually are hitting each other's buttons in the same ways, over and over, with each attempt to resolve (or duck) the conflict only making it worse. EFT therapists assist the couple to get underneath the reactions to the fight, to uncover the empathy & soothing beneath. We teach the couple to repair ruptures so that they can soothe, connect and collaborate more readily, and more deeply. There's a ton of research- it's the best thing since chocolate." Jay M. Seiff-Haron, Psy.D. http://www.familytherapysf.com/who.htm Couples, Coparenting, Child Trauma, Interracial/Interfaith Families California License PSY23443 4220 California Street #201, San Francisco, CA 94118 5665 College Ave. #240A, Oakland, CA 94618 (415) 845-2337 . Dealing with Affairs 07/03/2011
 Probably the most painful thing one can experience in a marriage or committed relationship, after death or divorce, is discovering your partner is having an affair. Upon discovery, one's mind starts spinning and one's body goes into high alert. Warning bells go off and panic and anxiety take over. Reality has changed and what once was a safe and secure relationship is unstable and dangerous. Questions like, "Who am I? Who is my partner? What has our life together really been about?" crash down on the mind like a spring waterfall full of furry.
This entire experience is traumatic, often causing PTSD-like symptoms in the betrayed person. Obsessive thinking and obsessive behaviors like cell phone checking take over. Loss of sleep and appetite are not uncommon. Emotions may become mercurial, flipping from grief and sadness to rage and disgust. Self-blame can creep in. This is all normal because this is a crisis.  It seems like the economy is getting better. However in California the unemployment rate still hovers around 12%, I think. That means a lot of people, at least in California, are still suffering and under a ton of stress. This is really hard on not only individuals but couple and families.
What makes a good marriage or realtionship? 06/15/2011
The essential element of a healthy relationship is emotional responsiveness. Sue Johnson speaks about helping distressed couples create that emotional responsiveness. Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? When you can answer yes to these questions, you will feel secure in your relationship. When you answer no, you may be heading towards distress. Couples therapy helps people recreate that feeling of "you are mine, I am yours , we are together and a team." Afraid of my Partner's Anger 05/13/2011
I decided to write this blog entry because when I was looking at my web site statistics one of the google search phases that pointed to my site was, “afraid of my partner’s anger.” I was alarmed and thought, “Oh no. I hope that person is getting the right help for his or her situation.”
Break ups and Rejection 04/28/2011
 This may be why any kind of rejection (not just break up rejection) or perceived rejection is so very painful, "Our brains appear to process relationship breakups similarly to physical pain. There may be an evolutionary reason for this. The function of pain is to alert the person to physical danger or harm so she can take protective action. In the animal kingdom, one's chances of avoiding predators are much higher as part of a group than alone, therefore social rejection may have been an actual threat to physical survival for our early ancestors. If this is the case, it might partially explain how difficult it is for many people to let go of the ex-partner and move on." From The Neuroscience of Relationship Breakups Is the Pain All in the Brain? Published on April 17, 2011 Native American Commandments 04/18/2011
 I was perusing a web site of a gentleman I went to High School with who is a corporate coach and I came across these Native American Commandments. I thought, "Wow. If we all would live by these what a great world we would have. Our hearts, minds, families, and even world might find greater peace and happiness. Thanks to Scott Schilling for this great list. 1) Remain close to the Great Spirit-- 2) Show great respect for your fellow beings-- 3) Give assistance and kindness wherever needed-- 4) Be truthful and honest at all times-- 5) Do what you know to be right-- 6) Look after the well being of mind and body-- 7) Treat the Earth and all that dwells there on with respect-- 8) Take full responsibility for your actions-- 9) Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater good-- 10) Work together for the benefit of all mankind--  Have you ever wondered why you do what you do in your love relationship? Why is it that in other areas of life you feel competent and strong but when you are in love you feel so vulnerable? For answers to these questions and more either listen or read on.
|    AuthorEvelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, MFT 
CategoriesAll ArchivesMay 2012         
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