WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY COUNSELING SERVICES
  • Home
  • Our Team
    • Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, M.A.
    • Sugar
  • Online Therapy and Counseling California
  • Contact
  • Services
  • Couple's Counseling
    • Couple's Therapy
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
    • More on Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Science of Love
    • Steps and Stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Why Choose Emotionally Focused Therapy?
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy and Diversity
    • EFT MRI Handholding Research
    • EFT Research
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy Publications
  • Psychotherapy
    • Reasons People Get Counseling
    • Maximize your Experience
    • Therapy
    • What Can Be Addressed in Therapy?
    • When Should You Seek Counseling?
  • Blogs
    • Evelyn's Blog
  • Facebook Live Recordings
  • Payment Policy
    • Fees
    • Good Faith Estimate
  • For therapists
    • EFT Group Consultation for Therapists >
      • Relationship Help >
        • Relationship Checkup
        • What is a Healthy Marriage?
        • Relationships Tips
        • Relationship Tune Up
        • Principles That Work
        • Constructive Communication
        • Relationship Quotes
    • EFT Supervision for Therapists

Nonviolent Communication

7/18/2013

0 Comments

 
I was surfing around the web and came across resources for Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I was pretty impressed and wanted to pass along these resources.

While watching the videos I realized that what I do in relationship counseling is very similar to what Rosenberg does with tribes and warring groups. I help couples and families get to and communicate what is at the heart of the matter. I do this by facilitating the expression of deep human needs within each person that are not being met in the relationship. This often promotes empathy and connection and dissolves anger. 

After thinking about how similar Nonviolent Communication was to Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and Families, my mind moved to its application to current events. It made me think of the Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin tragedy and how differently it all may have gone down if this way of thinking and interacting were promoted in our county. I felt sad knowing our country promotes ideas like "standing your ground " over empathic non-judgmental listening. The videos are long but worth a listen and a reflection. YouTube has tons more as well.


Resources:
Nonviolent Communication




Read More
0 Comments

A Good Laugh Can Go a Long Way

6/8/2013

0 Comments

 
I think most couples can relate to this humorous video. It reminded me not only of the importance of empathy but of the importance of embracing and accepting personal and gender differences. And hey, maybe it sometimes really is about the nail. Enjoy!
0 Comments

MEN, MASCULINITY AND MARRIAGE 

5/24/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
© Jaime Nisenbaum, Ph.D. Posted with permission from the author. 

There is a growing body of research showing how the process of socialization of boys in our society leads to severe relational deficits later in life. One place where this lack of relational skills shows up very prominently is in intimate relationships and marriages. In my professional life as a clinical psychologist, as well as in my personal life as a husband and a father, I notice how the internalized messages about what it is to be a man in our society gets in the way of men becoming more empathic, caring, loving, and engaged in family life with our wives and children. The same body of research that has identified these issues is also helping men and their families understand and eventually change these deep-seated patterns. 

Research shows that, at birth, baby boys are more emotionally expressive than baby girls but by the age of 4 years old the effects of the socialization of boys in curbing that emotional expression are already clearly visible. At that early age, research shows that boys have already received conscious and unconscious messages from parents, teachers, peers and the culture at large that being in touch with vulnerable emotions such as sadness, fear, and healthy needs for closeness and affection are not acceptable for boys. By second grade, many teachers say that they can no longer “read” the facial expression in boys who have been “trained” to hide their emotions. 

When boys begin to shut off those vulnerable emotions in order to fit into the “code of masculinity” -- being tough, competitive, aggressive, and avoiding anything that is labeled “girly” or feminine -- they start a relentless process of cutting off and disconnecting from these essential parts of themselves. By the time men get married, they have been through many years of practice in severing their connection from these vulnerable and vital parts of themselves. 

The negative consequences of that process on men’s mental health are devastating and range from chronic anger, anxiety, substance abuse, and violence towards themselves and others to apathy and depression. Man men also suffer from an apparent “lack of empathy” that trouble many marriages and relationships that come to my office for help. I usually explain to the men and the women in my practice that given what men are required to do to be “men,” how could it be otherwise? Empathy requires that we have access to our feelings so that we can resonate with the feelings of others. If men are taught to cut off from certain feelings, how can we expect them to be able to resonate with the feelings of others? While this explanation is no excuse for any kind of abuse, it gives a starting place for men to start re-thinking whether they want or not to continue to live up to the mandates of the “code of masculinity.” 

Unless men resolve to address their internal state of disconnection, they will repeat in their relationship with others what they learn to do with themselves: to dismiss, ignore, and avoid the “troubling” vulnerable feelings and live their lives as divided and un-integrated selves. 

The “code of masculinity” is maintained by both the men and women in our culture and both men and women suffer from this state of affairs. But I believe that it is incumbent on men to realize what they have been “programmed” to do and finally decide to do something about it for their own sake, and for the sake of their relationships. 

About the author:

Jaime Nisenbaum, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist and professor who specializes in men's issues. He has a practice in Berkeley and San Rafael, CA. For more information about him, visit his web site. www.jaimenisenbaum.com 

0 Comments

Thich Nhat Hanh on Love

5/13/2013

0 Comments

 
In every interaction we have with our partner there is the opportunity to heal. I guess that is truly what love is, a dynamic powerful healing agent. We, especially partners, are deeply connected and attached to each other. Science tells us that the way we communicate can impact each other's brains, for good or for ill. I guess we can build each other up or tear one another down. I image just like me, you too desire to do good. In this video, we get some tools for creating and maintaining love and secure attachment.

The 4 Mantras:

1. Darling, I am here for you.
2. Darling, I know you are there.
3. Darling, I know you suffer and that is why I am here for you.
4. Darling, I suffer. I do my best to practice. Please help.

Listen to this great video for a deeper understanding and advice on how to love.
0 Comments

Mostly John Gottman, PhD.  Research

5/2/2013

0 Comments

 
Picture
Yahoo posted a nice summary of the research on relationship enhancers: The 10 Ways to Improve your Relationship.

1. Solidify your friendship.
2. Appreciate each other.
3. Concentrate on the present to ensure a future.
4. Don't Distort.
5. Share power.
6. Find common goals.
7. Understand anger.
8. Break negative cycles.
9. Focus on what's fixable.
10. Accept the unsolvable.

As the title of this suggests, most of this is based on John Gottman's research. Any of his books on relationships will give you detailed information on how keep on enhancing your relationship. It is good stuff. Common sense but important to be reminded of as we live our lives in this very busy complicated world. We need our partners now more than ever. But for various reasons, creating and maintaining a safe and secure attachment can get blocked. Use these principles to open up the flow between you and your lover.
0 Comments

Emotionally Focused Therapy

5/31/2012

8 Comments

 
Since April I have been doing a small class for therapists once a month introducing them to Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT. I do not really consider myself a teacher but felt I wanted to be a part of spreading the good news about EFT. I love EFT and helping couples come together using it. I see couples go from distress and disconnection to peace and connection with each other. It is a joy to see this healing take place and I really wanted to show other therapists how to do this. It has been fun teaching others this therapy. So, what exactly is Emotionally Focused Therapy?

Read More
8 Comments

What makes a good marriage or realtionship?

6/15/2011

1 Comment

 
The essential element of a healthy relationship is emotional responsiveness. Sue Johnson speaks about helping distressed couples create that emotional responsiveness. Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? When you can answer yes to these questions, you will feel secure in your relationship. When you answer no, you may be heading towards distress. Couples therapy helps people recreate that feeling of "you are mine, I am yours , we are together and a team."
1 Comment

The Power of Words

7/27/2010

4 Comments

 
Picture
This morning as I was dressing for work I was reminded of the power of words, and how they have energetic impact that can linger for years. The simple act of putting on a pair of earrings reminded me of something unkind someone said to me years ago, bringing up a tinge of self-doubt, causing me to question something I have always done and believe in deeply. The comment was, "Those earrings are for old ladies. They make you look old." Ouch!

Read More
4 Comments

Marriage and Committed Relationships: Keeping Your Relationship Tuned Up

7/7/2010

0 Comments

 
Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty.

Read More
0 Comments
Forward>>
    Picture

    Evelyn Schmechtig -Cochran

    Proud Member of TherapyDen
    verified by NetworkTherapy.com
    verified by Psychology Today
    Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, LMFT verified by GoodTherapy.org
    Google+
    ​INSTAGRAM

    Categories

    All
    Abusive Relationship
    Addiction
    Affairs
    Affordable Care Act
    Alanis Morissette
    Anger
    Anxiety
    Apologies
    Attachment
    Attachment Injury Repair Model
    Attachment Styles
    Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
    Beck's Depression Inventory
    Betrayal
    Bonding
    Boundaries
    Break Ups
    Buddhist Meditation
    Career Crisis
    Communication
    Compassion
    Connection
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Couples Therapy
    COVID-19
    Depression
    Desire
    Domestic Violence
    Dr. Sue Johnson
    DSM-5
    EFT
    Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples
    Emotions
    Enneagram
    Erectile Dysfunction
    Family
    Family Life Cycle
    Fear Of Partner
    Feelings
    Forgiveness
    Gottman Principles
    Grief
    Hand Holding
    Happiness
    Healthy Families
    Healthy Marriage
    Indian Commandments
    Infidelity
    Joblessness
    Job Loss
    Life Transitions
    Listening Skills
    Loss
    Love
    Marriage
    Meditation
    Men's Issues
    Mindfulness
    Narcissism And Realtionships
    Nonviolent Communication
    Overwhelmed
    Parenting
    Political Anxiety
    Porn
    Post Traumatic Stress
    Raising Sons
    Rejection
    Relationship Repair
    Relationships
    Relationships And Technology
    Sex
    Sexual Addiction
    Sexual Compulsivity
    Shame
    Stress
    Stress Reduction
    Success
    Symptoms Of Depression
    Teen Depression
    Terminal Illness
    Trauma
    Unemployment
    War
    Withdrawers
    Work Issues
    Work Related Issues
    Yoga

    Blog Directory
    General Health Blogs - Blog Catalog Blog Directory
    Blog Directory
    Submit my blog General-Health
    web directories
    Top Blogs

    Archives

    March 2022
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    November 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    September 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    October 2010
    July 2010
    April 2010
    November 2009
    April 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008

​Serving all of California Online
39899 Balentine Dr. 200 
Newark, Ca 94560
copyright @ 2004-2022 Evelyn Schmechtig, M.A., LMFT All rights Reserved
Photo used under Creative Commons from afunkydamsel
  • Home
  • Our Team
    • Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, M.A.
    • Sugar
  • Online Therapy and Counseling California
  • Contact
  • Services
  • Couple's Counseling
    • Couple's Therapy
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
    • More on Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Science of Love
    • Steps and Stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Why Choose Emotionally Focused Therapy?
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy and Diversity
    • EFT MRI Handholding Research
    • EFT Research
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy Publications
  • Psychotherapy
    • Reasons People Get Counseling
    • Maximize your Experience
    • Therapy
    • What Can Be Addressed in Therapy?
    • When Should You Seek Counseling?
  • Blogs
    • Evelyn's Blog
  • Facebook Live Recordings
  • Payment Policy
    • Fees
    • Good Faith Estimate
  • For therapists
    • EFT Group Consultation for Therapists >
      • Relationship Help >
        • Relationship Checkup
        • What is a Healthy Marriage?
        • Relationships Tips
        • Relationship Tune Up
        • Principles That Work
        • Constructive Communication
        • Relationship Quotes
    • EFT Supervision for Therapists