You may have heard about attachment theory and attachment styles. You may not have. However, they are something we talk a lot about in psychology today as attachment theory has become very integrated in our understanding of relationships and family dynamics. Understanding attachment helps us understand what motivates humans, helps them feel safe, and allows them to grow and succeed.
Literature and research describe several types of styles in relationships. These styles or categories were initially inferred from observational research on children. Later adults were interviewed as well to find out that people develop or have certain attachment or relationship mindsets they bring into relationships. These attachment mindsets have certain thoughts, behaviors, and feelings connected to them and they affect the way one relates in very close intimate relationships. The way we talk about these styles may make them seem rigid and unalterable. But personally, I like to think of these categories as somewhat flexibly. What I mean by this is one can change his or her style depending upon different internal and external variables and experiences in relationships.
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The essential element of a healthy relationship is emotional responsiveness. Sue Johnson speaks about helping distressed couples create that emotional responsiveness. Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? When you can answer yes to these questions, you will feel secure in your relationship. When you answer no, you may be heading towards distress. Couples therapy helps people recreate that feeling of "you are mine, I am yours , we are together and a team." Have you ever wondered why you do what you do in your love relationship? Why is it that in other areas of life you feel competent and strong but when you are in love you feel so vulnerable? For answers to these questions and more either listen or read on. Jim Coan, Ph.D. is doing research that proves having good, positive, and loving relationships help us manage stress better. We are social creates who need comfort and connection. See this Youtube link for more on this. Evidence that working on relationships is really worth it! More details on this research from webMD.
Any marriage counselor will tell you that one of the most common problems observed when couples come for help is poor communication skills. People get into trouble in their marriages because they have not developed their ability to listen and communicate.
Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty.
Healthy Families
As therapists, we are trained to look for and focus upon family dysfunction. Sometimes though we are so caught up trying to find the maladaptive aspects of our clients that we fail to see the adaptive or healthy characteristics they possess. Perhaps, we inherited this from the medical or disease model of treatment. |
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