George Faller explains from personal experience what happens when a couple fights. What we do that makes the other feel alone, abandon and rejected. This is a great Youtube!
My husband works for hospice. I really don't know how he does it: sit with, guide, and help people and their families in the later stages of illness and impending death. How does he do this, especially now, with his sister being in the final stage of metastatic breast cancer? It is in her brain and at this point no more treatment is recommended. We now just sit and watch her decline and slip away from us day by day. I cannot tell you how excruciating this is.
I've been married for almost 31 years now and at this point sister-in-laws are no longer in-laws. They are sisters. My heart aches everyday. We all suffer: her husband, her daughter, her mother and father, her siblings and friends. The grieving is sometimes unbearable.
My only comfort has been her peaceful and deeply spiritual disposition during much of our interactions. I don't know how to describe it but it is oddly reassuring. It is as if I am getting a small glimpse of the rest she will experience once her time on earth is complete.
My brother-in-law, her husband, sent us all this very good article, which is attached, on family upheaval during terminal illness. It is really very good at outlining what families go through when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness. I recommend it to anyone wishing to understand this process. I left the highlights my brother-in-law noted.
Kinds of Workplace Conflicts
Let’s start by identifying where conflicts happen. Think about the kinds of conflicts that happen around your workplace.
• Disagreements over turf (who should do what)
• Disagreements over policy (how things should be done)
• Conflicts of personality and style
Common Ways of Dealing with Conflict
These are some of the ways we typically deal with conflict. Do you see yourself in any of them?
• Avoid the conflict.
• Deny the conflict; wait until it goes away.
• Change the subject.
• React emotionally; become aggressive, abusive, hysterical, or frightening.
• Find someone to blame.
• Make excuses.
• Delegate the situation to someone else.
All of these responses are nonproductive. Some of them are actually destructive. This is why learning to manage conflict is so important.
Effect on Work Relationships
The workplace is a system of relationships. Relationships have many different aspects; here are several examples:
Respect for boss
When conflicts are handled well, there’s a positive effect on work relationships. When they are not, these factors can deteriorate. Productivity and the free expression of ideas are also impacted.
Sometimes in relationships people get stuck in a pattern of distress where one person pursues for connection in a demanding style and the partner feels overwhelmed and criticized and perhaps shuts down or maybe gets defensive. Ever wonder what is going on for the more withdrawing partner? If we get below the surface, research shows that the more quiet partner is as distressed as the more vocal partner. They often say things like, "I feel like I can't get it right or I am numb or I don't want to make it worse between us." They often report feeling rejected, inadequate, fearful of failure, overwhelmed, numb, frozen, afraid, not wanted, judged or shamed. To find out more about what it is to have a more withdrawing style listen to this podcast called "The Couch."
Part of Emotionally Focused Therapy is helping partners talk to each in a new and refreshing way. As therapists, we work to help people move from reactivity to vulnerability and tenderness in their communication. Accessing the underlying feelings that fuel conflict brings about new meaning and understanding drawing partners closer together rather than apart. Watch Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Rebecca Jorgensen in action.
Deb and Nao discuss the importance of emotional connection in relationships, some of the roadblocks, and how Emotionally Focused Therapy can help couples navigate emotions successfully. Check out their Podcast.
I ran across this today. It resonated. Therefore, I am sharing it. A poem by Ralph Waldo Emerson.
What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a better place, whether by healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived,
This is to have succeeded.
How can couples enhance sexual intimacy? Barry and Emily McCarthy (sex therapists) and Sue Johnson (relationship and bonding expert) will tell you the core of sexual intimacy is feeling psychologically and emotionally connected and valued. Listen to this great podcast to find out how to deepen your love and sexual connection.
This is Fiachra Figs O'Sullivan, San Fransisco therapist, and his wife sharing about their cycle (or their fighting pattern) and how to repair it. It is humorous, honest and insightful. I really loved listening to them!
Evelyn Schmechtig -Cochran