Relationship Check Up
Most adults engage in long-term relationships, including marriage and other committed partnerships. Nearly everyone experiences difficulties in their marriage or committed relationship from time to time, but some people seem more prepared to anticipate these hard times and respond to them more skillfully than others. What personal qualities, attitudes and behaviors help these seemingly more skilled people out?
According to attachment research and Canadian psychologist, Susan Johnson, Ed.D, responsiveness to one’s partner is a key ingredient to marital success. John Gottman, Ph.D., marriage researcher, uses the expression “turning toward your partner” to describe the same ingredient in relationship satisfaction. It is important to look at, to listen to, be there for, and be connected to your partner on a consistent and regular basis. As well, it is imperative that you really know your partner in side and out. Relationship satisfaction is about real and lasting support and reliability. This builds trust and confidence in the other person and in the relationship.
The Relationship Checkup is a list that will help you evaluate your relationship and see how well you are doing being responsive and “turning toward” your partner. These points are based on the principles found in attachment theory as well as recent research completed separately by psychologists Judith Wallerstein and John Gottman.
Note the statements that apply to your relationship, and you will quickly gain a sense of its strengths and weaknesses. If you find too many weaknesses, this may be a good time for to seek professional help for your relationship.
People in successful, long-lasting relationships invest themselves fully in the relationship. While they have positive and connected relationships with their parents, siblings, and other relatives, these relationships do not negatively impact the couple; rather, they enhance and support the couple.
Some signs that you have a healthy relationship with your family include the following:
Your family visits when invited. You have nice enjoyable times together and work through conflict quickly. Family visits are usually satisfying. If visits need to be extended or if family members need to live with a couple for a period of time, the communication is open and boundaries are clear. You speak with family members by phone and feel connected but not consumed. Family members give advice when they are asked. For some, giving advice is a sign of love and being quiet means one does not care. If you get unsolicited advice or not enough, it important you feel to express your needs and ask for what you want without blaming.
People in successful relationships have their own identity as a couple. There is a feeling of both togetherness and independence in the relationship.
If you have developed an identity as a couple, the following things are most likely true:
You feel loyal toward each other.
You listen carefully to each other.
You know each other’s histories.
You pay attention to each other’s moods and body language.
You share your thoughts and feelings.
You allow each other a private space and don’t intrude on it.
You respect each other as separate, autonomous people.
If you have not fully developed your sense of identity as a couple, you will recognize signs like these:
You are sometimes disloyal toward each other.
You don’t listen carefully to each other.
You don’t know very much about each other’s pasts.
You ignore each other’s moods and body language.
You keep your thoughts and feelings to yourselves.
You sometimes invade each other’s private space.
Even though you may live in the same house, it sometimes seems like you are living parallel lives.
According to attachment research and Canadian psychologist, Susan Johnson, Ed.D, responsiveness to one’s partner is a key ingredient to marital success. John Gottman, Ph.D., marriage researcher, uses the expression “turning toward your partner” to describe the same ingredient in relationship satisfaction. It is important to look at, to listen to, be there for, and be connected to your partner on a consistent and regular basis. As well, it is imperative that you really know your partner in side and out. Relationship satisfaction is about real and lasting support and reliability. This builds trust and confidence in the other person and in the relationship.
The Relationship Checkup is a list that will help you evaluate your relationship and see how well you are doing being responsive and “turning toward” your partner. These points are based on the principles found in attachment theory as well as recent research completed separately by psychologists Judith Wallerstein and John Gottman.
Note the statements that apply to your relationship, and you will quickly gain a sense of its strengths and weaknesses. If you find too many weaknesses, this may be a good time for to seek professional help for your relationship.
People in successful, long-lasting relationships invest themselves fully in the relationship. While they have positive and connected relationships with their parents, siblings, and other relatives, these relationships do not negatively impact the couple; rather, they enhance and support the couple.
Some signs that you have a healthy relationship with your family include the following:
Your family visits when invited. You have nice enjoyable times together and work through conflict quickly. Family visits are usually satisfying. If visits need to be extended or if family members need to live with a couple for a period of time, the communication is open and boundaries are clear. You speak with family members by phone and feel connected but not consumed. Family members give advice when they are asked. For some, giving advice is a sign of love and being quiet means one does not care. If you get unsolicited advice or not enough, it important you feel to express your needs and ask for what you want without blaming.
People in successful relationships have their own identity as a couple. There is a feeling of both togetherness and independence in the relationship.
If you have developed an identity as a couple, the following things are most likely true:
You feel loyal toward each other.
You listen carefully to each other.
You know each other’s histories.
You pay attention to each other’s moods and body language.
You share your thoughts and feelings.
You allow each other a private space and don’t intrude on it.
You respect each other as separate, autonomous people.
If you have not fully developed your sense of identity as a couple, you will recognize signs like these:
You are sometimes disloyal toward each other.
You don’t listen carefully to each other.
You don’t know very much about each other’s pasts.
You ignore each other’s moods and body language.
You keep your thoughts and feelings to yourselves.
You sometimes invade each other’s private space.
Even though you may live in the same house, it sometimes seems like you are living parallel lives.