This entire experience is traumatic, often causing PTSD-like symptoms in the betrayed person. Obsessive thinking and obsessive behaviors like cell phone checking take over. Loss of sleep and appetite are not uncommon. Emotions may become mercurial, flipping from grief and sadness to rage and disgust. Self-blame can creep in. This is all normal because this is a crisis.
Healing is possible but it will take hard work from both parties. This is a time to fight for your marriage or relationship. The first step that has to take place is to stop the affair. In a calm peaceful and clear manner, the straying partner is confronted with the affair and firm boundaries are set by the offended partner as to what he or she will accept in their life together. The unfaithful will have to be remorseful and honest with as much detail as the offended partner needs. Trust has to be rebuilt and can take months and even years. The affair has to be discussed and full accountability is recommended. The couple will have to re-establish their bond with each other by spending time with each other nurturing the relationship. This is sometimes hard with the complex lives we live but it must be done. Finally, the injured spouse will have to work through the process of forgiveness.