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Love and Attachment From Cradle to Beyond the Grave  It is amazing to me how a sense of secure attachment can extend beyond the grave. I was lucky enough to have a mother who loved me when she was alive so much so that I feel it even in her absence. My goal for clients, and hope as a therapist, is to promote this type of feeling and attachment.
My reflection, "Listening to our handyman speak Portuguese to one of his workers or maybe Spanish with a Portuguese accent, sounds like music to my ears. It must be reminding me of the sounds and rhythmes of my mother's voice and of her lullabies when I was a baby. Portuguese was her first language and she had only been here a few years before I was born. It is strange the sense of peace I feel listening from a distance. I think, 'Don't stop talking.' I feel so soothed and calmed." I think I must have had some kind of a pre-verbal memory as I was not close enough to hear the distinction of the words but only the muffled sing song melody of the voice. I guess like an infant might hear. I was then flooded with a very calm and peaceful feeling and a deep sense of knowing that I was loved not only by her but by God. It was very profound and spiritual, an experience I wish all could have. My mother's birthday is the 23rd. She always seems to send me a message from beyond that she still cares for me and loves me, usually around or on her birthday. I feel blessed and so wanted to share.
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 I think that Valentine's Day, like other holidays, can bring up all kinds of mixed emotions. I also think there are things out there that confuse us even more about love, sex, and bonding like the Shades of Grey movie coming out tomorrow. It is nice that we can turn to sensible and researched ideas to clear out our heads. Sue Johnson's article provides an island of calm in a sea of confusion that surrounds how we think about and understand love, sex, and bonding. I know it comforts me to know that we can make sense out of this thing we call love. It also helps me stay focused as I encourage and guide couples to create a real sense of hope and love. Bonding to other human beings in a positive and loving way is the best medicine ever! Check out: The Real Secret to Having a Great Valentines Day. |
 Evelyn Schmechtig Cochran 
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