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Thich Nhat Hanh on Love

5/13/2013

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In every interaction we have with our partner there is the opportunity to heal. I guess that is truly what love is, a dynamic powerful healing agent. We, especially partners, are deeply connected and attached to each other. Science tells us that the way we communicate can impact each other's brains, for good or for ill. I guess we can build each other up or tear one another down. I image just like me, you too desire to do good. In this video, we get some tools for creating and maintaining love and secure attachment.

The 4 Mantras:

1. Darling, I am here for you.
2. Darling, I know you are there.
3. Darling, I know you suffer and that is why I am here for you.
4. Darling, I suffer. I do my best to practice. Please help.

Listen to this great video for a deeper understanding and advice on how to love.
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Stuff in the News You May Find Interesting Relating to Mental Health, Family, and Relationships from our FB page . . .

12/1/2012

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NPR report on new Mental Health Diagnostic Bible.
Those with alcohol dependence may be more sensitive.
Long Term Relationships.
Mindfulness and cancer recovery.
Emotional Infidelity.
Early Relationships key to happiness in life.

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More on My Mindfulness and Meditation Journey

6/23/2012

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"A genuine change must first come from within the individual, only then can he or she attempt to make a significant contribution to humanity."

Tweeted by the Dalai Lama June 12, 2012

Lately, I have been meditating on intention. I am getting older, having some major pain, joint issues and am in physical therapy two days a week. This has been a major wake up for me. Causing me to think about how I want to live my life, each day each moment: striving and just surviving or thriving with a joyful, contented, and giving heart.

Naturally, I want the rest of my life to matter. I have two good friends who died at 52, and a mother who only lived to be 62. From this I realize that no one really knows how or when they will exit this plane. Yet, it is easy for me to just go day-to-day without fully thinking through how I want each live encounter to be. Living without consciousness or intention. I suppose that is only natural and even normal for most of us. Seems to have been for me for the most part.

So the past week or so when I have been meditating I end with an intention for the day. Yesterday, I focused on the intention of helping those I come in contact with get in touch with their life purpose. I went though my day, physical therapy, worked on content for a class I am teaching, yoga. Nothing too fancy.

After yoga, I was chatting with the teacher, a young gal who is an engineer but not working as one because it is not what she really wants to do. She has been struggling with what should she do next in her life. I excitedly told her all of the stuff I was learning about physical therapy from the young gal treating me: the education, training, and opportunities. I finally turned to my yoga instructor and said, "You know you would make an excellent physical therapist. I think you would be really good at it." With tears in her eyes she replied, "You know, today you have given me hope. I have been thinking about that but thought it would take too much. By talking to you, I just realized this might be a way for me to combine my background in science with my love of helping people. Thank you for helping me start to find my way." I walked out the door and said to myself, "Thank you, Intention."
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Mindfulness and Meditation: Day 30 and Beyond

12/4/2011

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“Nothing can be more important than being able to choose the way we think.” -EKNATH EASWARAN
I am glad I switched my mediation mantra to something in English. If you want to get something out of it, I guess it makes sense to reflect on something in your own language. Who knew? Anyhow, what I have found just in the few days I have been focusing on the St. Francis invocation is that when I am out and about in the crowded public and get frustrated with people, as I sometimes do, the words to the quote I am meditating on come up and help me put things in perspective and remind me of my renewed chosen purpose.

For example, my greatest challenge these days is right before my once-a-week 8:15 pm yoga class begins. I get there early so I can stretch a bit and then just be at peace. The class is crowded and often there are many new people there. It is the end of the day. I am a bit tired and less patient than usual.

Consequently, I struggle to keep my sense of internal peace. In this late and often overcrowded class, many seem to disregard all the nicely designed posters which state the studio's practice rules: 1) Silence in the Yoga Room (never happens), 2) No Cell Phones in the Yoga Room (never happens; instead, we get texting, checking email, and phones ringing right up until class begins and sometimes even after it begins), and 3) Please Make Sure Your Bags Are Not in the
Yoga Room But in the Locker Rooms (never happens; the back of the room looks like a teenager's messy closet). The teachers periodically remind us of the rules. No one listens. Hence, I (at least in my mind) become a "Yoga Nazi." I grumble; I complain; I sigh. Not a good way to start out the class.

What I found last Thursday night before class is that when internal grumblings and rumblings started up within my mind, rather than letting them go on and on and allowing myself to get frustrated, I was able to acknowledge and notice my emotion, and then my mind immediately brought up a phase from the passage I had been meditating upon earlier in the day: "May I be an instrument of peace. May I not so much seek to be understood as to understand." This permitted me to step back and take a different and more compassionate perspective not only on others in the class but with myself as well. I could then decide how I wanted to think about the situation and respond. It was nice. I felt calmer and more in control. I definitely plan on making meditation a regular part of my life. I can see it bringing more goodness and vitality into my life and relationships. I highly recommend it to all.


For more on self awareness see: 7 Steps to Develop Awareness.
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Meditation: Days 24-28

11/28/2011

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 “The secret of meditation is simple: you become what you meditate on. When you use an inspirational passage every day in meditation, you are driving the words deep into your consciousness. Eventually they become an integral part of your personality, which means they will find constant expression in what you do, what you say, and what you think.”  – Eknath Easwaran 

"Whatever is true, whatever is right, whatever is bound to be excellent, let your mind dwell on these things."- The Bible

I am in a place in my life now (I have hit the over 50 mark) were I realize that life is short and I really want my attitude, actions, and reactions to bring about good in the world, both personally and professionally. Over the past 12 years, I have had a mother who died at 62, two friends die at 52, and a more distant relative die at 38. In addition, in the past few years I have seen several women I know undergo breast cancer treatment. As a result, it is important for me to have a purpose-driven life and a life-enhancing existence.


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Meditation and Mindfulness: Day 6-24

11/25/2011

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Well. I have been pretty consistent and the overall experience has been good. I am realizing that it is important to set aside a regular time for this practice or the day goes by and then it is gone and then it is bed time and you realize you forgot to mediate. Whoops! Consequently, I have had to remind myself that this is an experiment not a competition. And as with yoga, I remind myself to be gentle on myself.

What have I learned or experienced? I guess the biggest thing I have noticed as a result of this practice is that I am more aware of my automatic responses or thoughts to things and how easy it is to judge things and get caught up in negativity. As a result, I have been able to catch myself, reassess my response, and correct it before it gets going in the wrong direction. It has been interesting for me to see how easy it is to automatically assign attributions to objective data or interpretations to feeling tones that come up in the body without slowing down and thinking things through. 

Reflecting upon this experience, I think, if we slow things down we have better control of how we think, feel, respond, and what we create in our universe. We have a deeper and more profound ability to choose to do good rather than harm. According to Rick Hansen in Buddha's Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom, this is the beginning of virtue.


“By virtue of being human, each of us has the capacity to choose, to change, to grow.”

And to thrive, may I add!

“The secret of meditation is simple: you become what you meditate on. When you use an inspirational passage every day in meditation, you are driving the words deep into your consciousness. Eventually they become an integral part of your personality, which means they will find constant expression in what you do, what you say, and what you think.”

– Eknath Easwaran

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Meditation and Mindfulness: A 30 Day Challenge

11/11/2011

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After having such a nice response to my first attempts at mediation, I thought it would be a breeze.  Well, not so much as day 2-5 have been filled with avoidance. I found myself doing everything under the sun but meditating. I really had to force myself to do it daily. Just like anything else new, I am learning, meditation takes practice and discipline. It is a skill, which needs to be developed. Remember learning to write the alphabet in kindergarten or first grade or practicing riding a bike? Those things did not come easily at first and sometimes we avoided the practice. As kids, we did not think of these things as cultivating a skill but really, that is what we were doing. It was work but we did not know it. "Meditation is the cultivation of skillful qualities of mind, particularly mindfulness, effort, and concentration. Mindfulness is the presence of mind or attentiveness to the present without drifting away from the experience." --From The Beginner's Guide to Insight Meditation by Arinna Weismann and Jean Smith, 2010.
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Mindfulness and Meditation: A 30 Day Challenge

11/1/2011

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I have been doing a bit of reading on mindfulness and mediation lately. My husband has studied, practiced, and taught it for years. He takes his information from many sources and traditions and primarily teaches it to the church. For years, I always looked at him as super discipline and thought, "Oh. It is not in my nature to meditate." Now, however, I have decided I am up to the challenge of trying to meditate. I just finished a 30-day Birkam yoga challenge. I made 26 out of 30 days, which is good for me! If I can do that I can meditate 20 minutes a day for 30 days. I am going to write about my experience. I recommend mediation and mindfulness to my clients and have only dabbled in it a bit. I think it is about time I take this very good for you practice seriously for myself because mindfulness changes the brain.

I am going to practice something very simple called passage meditation recommended to me by my husband and can be practice regardless of one's faith tradition. It is mantra based. I am using it because I like the idea of saying a word or passage that has meaning. It is a little like TM, which has been researched and found effective. As well, I have used this style in the past when I was trying to meditate. It is recommended in the book  "Anticancer, A New Way of Life" by David, Servan-Schreiber, MD, Ph.D. He recommends the Buddhist mantra, "Om mani padme hum", which means the jewel in the lotus of the heart. I like this one because of the way it sounds and feels to me. I can sing it as well and hear the overtones in my head. I will probably use this one although there are plenty to chose from. The web site "Timeless Wisdom for Daily Living" has a good list of them.


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  • Home
  • Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, M.A.
  • Online Therapy and Counseling California
  • Couple's Counseling
    • Couple's Therapy
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
    • More on Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Science of Love
    • Steps and Stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Why Choose Emotionally Focused Therapy?
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy and Diversity
    • EFT MRI Handholding Research
    • EFT Research
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy Publications
  • Contact
  • Services
  • Psychotherapy
    • Reasons People Get Counseling
    • Maximize your Experience
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    • What Can Be Addressed in Therapy?
    • When Should You Seek Counseling?
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  • Facebook Live Recordings
  • Payment Policy
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