Love and Attachment From Cradle to Beyond the Grave
It is amazing to me how a sense of secure attachment can extend beyond the grave. I was lucky enough to have a mother who loved me when she was alive so much so that I feel it even in her absence. My goal for clients, and hope as a therapist, is to promote this type of feeling and attachment.
My reflection, "Listening to our handyman speak Portuguese to one of his workers or maybe Spanish with a Portuguese accent, sounds like music to my ears. It must be reminding me of the sounds and rhythmes of my mother's voice and of her lullabies when I was a baby. Portuguese was her first language and she had only been here a few years before I was born. It is strange the sense of peace I feel listening from a distance. I think, 'Don't stop talking.' I feel so soothed and calmed."
I think I must have had some kind of a pre-verbal memory as I was not close enough to hear the distinction of the words but only the muffled sing song melody of the voice. I guess like an infant might hear. I was then flooded with a very calm and peaceful feeling and a deep sense of knowing that I was loved not only by her but by God. It was very profound and spiritual, an experience I wish all could have.
My mother's birthday is the 23rd. She always seems to send me a message from beyond that she still cares for me and loves me, usually around or on her birthday. I feel blessed and so wanted to share.
Can love last forever through the ups and downs of life? Couples therapist Dr. Sue Johnson explains what it really takes to make a relationship work. This is really good.
"Landmark study shows that Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help couples understand their relationship better, reduce conflicts and create secure, loving bonds that can soothe brains."
More research on Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples. Principle investigators Dr. Sue Johnson and Dr. Jim Coan happy to share that the first brain scan study of EFT is now available in an Open Access Journal. EFT theorists explicitly claim that EFT affects a couple's ability to soothe difficult emotions by strengthening their attachment bond. I see this often as I work with couples taking them through the steps of Emotionally Focused Therapy. We now have some good evidence. Awesome.
Since April I have been doing a small class for therapists once a month introducing them to Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT. I do not really consider myself a teacher but felt I wanted to be a part of spreading the good news about EFT. I love EFT and helping couples come together using it. I see couples go from distress and disconnection to peace and connection with each other. It is a joy to see this healing take place and I really wanted to show other therapists how to do this. It has been fun teaching others this therapy. So, what exactly is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Dr. Susan Johnson being interviewed about Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples in The Psychotherapy Networker.
What other therapist say about Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples and why they are committed to it,
"EFT is the couples therapy with the most empirical evidence that it works -- twice as effective as skills-based approaches, with positive outcomes that have been shown to be far more long lasting.
Process-wise, EFT is based on the observation (not original to EFT) that couples mostly have the same argument(s) over and over. They think that they are arguing about (or, sometimes, ducking arguments about) whose parents to see for Thanksgiving or who forgot to pick the kids up from school, but actually are hitting each other's buttons in the same ways, over and over, with each attempt to resolve (or duck) the conflict only making it worse.
EFT therapists assist the couple to get underneath the reactions to the fight, to uncover the empathy & soothing beneath. We teach the couple to repair ruptures so that they can soothe, connect and collaborate more readily, and more deeply. There's a ton of research- it's the best thing since chocolate."
Jay M. Seiff-Haron, Psy.D.
Couples, Coparenting, Child Trauma, Interracial/Interfaith Families
California License PSY23443
4220 California Street #201, San Francisco, CA 94118
5665 College Ave. #240A, Oakland, CA 94618
Evelyn Schmechtig Cochran