WINDOWS OF OPPORTUNITY COUNSELING SERVICES
  • Home
  • Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, M.A.
  • Online Therapy and Counseling California
  • Couple's Counseling
    • Couple's Therapy
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
    • More on Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Science of Love
    • Steps and Stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Why Choose Emotionally Focused Therapy?
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy and Diversity
    • EFT MRI Handholding Research
    • EFT Research
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy Publications
  • Contact
  • Services
  • Psychotherapy
    • Reasons People Get Counseling
    • Maximize your Experience
    • Therapy
    • What Can Be Addressed in Therapy?
    • When Should You Seek Counseling?
  • Blogs
    • Evelyn's Blog
    • Guest Blogger
  • Facebook Live Recordings
  • Payment Policy
    • Fees
    • Good Faith Estimate
  • For therapists
    • EFT Group Consultation for Therapists >
      • Relationship Help >
        • Relationship Checkup
        • What is a Healthy Marriage?
        • Relationships Tips
        • Relationship Tune Up
        • Principles That Work
        • Constructive Communication
        • Relationship Quotes
    • EFT Supervision for Therapists

Emotional Incest 

6/9/2019

0 Comments

 
I posted an article on facebook, which I’ll attach here. I thought my reflection and introductory comments were worth sharing. I hope they are helpful.

Emotional Incest. What is it? It is a form of emotional abuse. I see this play out not with just young adults but with those much older who struggle deeply to manage multiple attachments. We all have them. What makes it hard and even distressing for some to deal with them?

Usually, in this cultural and when we “adult” we shift from having our parents be the most intense and the primary attachment bond to a partners or lovers and even friends with ease. This is considered normal development and it is okay for us to form new, lasting and deep bonds with others apart from our parents and family or origin. It shouldn’t upset our parents or cause us internal distress. We still remain connected and bonded to our parents but they often are not our primary and major attachment figures anymore.

When there has been emotional incest this process gets truncated. Don’t get me wrong. We need to be securely attached and will always need our parents in some manner. And when they become elderly, they may need us more than we need them. But, this shouldn’t happen too soon. If we are securely attached, we can freely love others as well as our parents without the risk and fear of retaliation or rejection. We can also freely move into being their caregivers as they age. With emotion incest, the adult child can’t give to the new primary person or persons fully. There is a deep internal struggle and a feeling of disloyalty to the parent or parents and the family of origin. The partner often feels left out, second and not important. Relationship distress ensues. There is massive struggle within the person who has been a victim of this type of abuse and over involvement. It is real. It is terrifying for them to bond to anyone but the parent. They have internalized a rule that says, “Thou shall not love or bond to anyone else or I’ll abandon you.”

In therapy, we help individuals and couples understand, process and grow past this type of abuse. We help them honor all connections with proper balance and boundaries. But, it has to be understood first. Hope this article is enlightening! And, of course, healing. Check it out.
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture

    Evelyn Schmechtig Cochran

    Proud Member of TherapyDen
    verified by NetworkTherapy.com
    verified by Psychology Today
    Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, LMFT verified by GoodTherapy.org
    Google+
    ​INSTAGRAM

    Categories

    All
    Abusive Relationship
    Addiction
    Affairs
    Affordable Care Act
    Alanis Morissette
    Anger
    Anxiety
    Apologies
    Attachment
    Attachment Injury Repair Model
    Attachment Styles
    Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
    Beck's Depression Inventory
    Betrayal
    Bonding
    Boundaries
    Break Ups
    Buddhist Meditation
    Career Crisis
    Communication
    Compassion
    Connection
    Couples
    Couples Counseling
    Couples Therapy
    COVID-19
    Depression
    Desire
    Domestic Violence
    Dr. Sue Johnson
    DSM-5
    EFT
    Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples
    Emotions
    Enneagram
    Erectile Dysfunction
    Family
    Family Life Cycle
    Fear Of Partner
    Feelings
    Forgiveness
    Gottman Principles
    Grief
    Hand Holding
    Happiness
    Healthy Families
    Healthy Marriage
    Indian Commandments
    Infidelity
    Joblessness
    Job Loss
    Life Transitions
    Listening Skills
    Loss
    Love
    Marriage
    Meditation
    Men's Issues
    Mindfulness
    Narcissism And Realtionships
    Nonviolent Communication
    Overwhelmed
    Parenting
    Political Anxiety
    Porn
    Post Traumatic Stress
    Raising Sons
    Rejection
    Relationship Repair
    Relationships
    Relationships And Technology
    Sex
    Sexual Addiction
    Sexual Compulsivity
    Shame
    Stress
    Stress Reduction
    Success
    Symptoms Of Depression
    Teen Depression
    Terminal Illness
    Trauma
    Unemployment
    War
    Withdrawers
    Work Issues
    Work Related Issues
    Yoga

    Blog Directory
    General Health Blogs - Blog Catalog Blog Directory
    Blog Directory
    Submit my blog General-Health
    web directories
    Top Blogs

    Archives

    February 2023
    March 2022
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    November 2018
    August 2018
    June 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    October 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    December 2012
    September 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    July 2011
    June 2011
    May 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    October 2010
    July 2010
    April 2010
    November 2009
    April 2009
    December 2008
    November 2008

​Serving all of California Online
39899 Balentine Dr.
Newark, Ca 94560
copyright @ 2004-2022 Evelyn Schmechtig, M.A., LMFT All rights Reserved
Photo used under Creative Commons from afunkydamsel
  • Home
  • Evelyn Schmechtig-Cochran, M.A.
  • Online Therapy and Counseling California
  • Couple's Counseling
    • Couple's Therapy
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples
    • More on Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Science of Love
    • Steps and Stages of Emotionally Focused Therapy
    • Why Choose Emotionally Focused Therapy?
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy and Diversity
    • EFT MRI Handholding Research
    • EFT Research
    • Emotionally Focused Therapy Publications
  • Contact
  • Services
  • Psychotherapy
    • Reasons People Get Counseling
    • Maximize your Experience
    • Therapy
    • What Can Be Addressed in Therapy?
    • When Should You Seek Counseling?
  • Blogs
    • Evelyn's Blog
    • Guest Blogger
  • Facebook Live Recordings
  • Payment Policy
    • Fees
    • Good Faith Estimate
  • For therapists
    • EFT Group Consultation for Therapists >
      • Relationship Help >
        • Relationship Checkup
        • What is a Healthy Marriage?
        • Relationships Tips
        • Relationship Tune Up
        • Principles That Work
        • Constructive Communication
        • Relationship Quotes
    • EFT Supervision for Therapists